Hi Beautiful people 🌟

This was already personal, but now I’m fired up! Last night, while sipping a mocktail with my husband and talking about a friend I suddenly blurted out, “I’m scared. I just realized I’m at the age where health issues—some heartbreakingly serious—are creeping up on me. I can’t keep abusing my body without consequences.” 420, you can stay, sugar, you’re benched! Ha! “Good fucking luck, 420—you’re nothing without me!” It’s true, sugar is cocky and confident, with an addictive pull. You know it’s bad, but you want it so badly. Just like that bad boy back in your high school days—the one your father sat on the porch waiting for.

But then, big breath out, hands to my heart. I shared my truth: “Today, I’m at war with the fear of the unknown, and I feel weaponless. I’m paralyzed by the fear of saying the wrong thing or not knowing what to say at all. It’s a delicate balance—respecting the need for time and space, yet knowing when to gently push just enough to be let in.”

I never come to war unarmed, fully aware of my many strengths. Yet, when armed with the wrong weapons or none at all, even the strongest heart feels vulnerable and alone.

As I wrestle with my own fears, it reminds me of how we all struggle to face the pain of others. So, let’s take a deep breath, shake off the day’s stress, change into something comfy, and grab a tea, cocktail, or mocktail. Find a cozy spot because it’s time to get real about what our sick friend actually needs. Spoiler: it’s not more fucking lasagnas or empty promises that everything’s going to be okay.

*That’s what we need to make ourselves feel better in their situation. Let that sink in.

Listening to hard things is tough. It triggers emotions, feelings, and sensations that hit each of us differently, depending on our unique subconscious scripts. For some, these moments might feel all too familiar, or they may naturally have a gift for being present in these fragile situations. For others, it’s like a gut punch, triggering that “alert, panic, fear, hide!” response. So, we tell our child, partner, or friend to get up and dance because, “It’s all going to be fine! I know, I can feel it!” Compartmentalized—check! Out of breath, bent over with hands on your knees, you thank your flip flops for staying on because “Fuck, I almost had to feel something back there.”

Without even realizing it, and certainly without meaning any harm, we end up shutting our people out when they’re desperate to have their feelings validated. We silence them right when they need us the most.

You’re not a monster. And yes, you can turn another page (loved that book). You’re simply acting on the architecture of who you are at that time. As Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”

My appreciated readers, supporters, and critics—are we in collective agreement that now we know better? I love the sound of a collective yes—it’s a party in my head! It fills me with a deep sense of connection, knowing that together, we can create spaces where everyone feels seen and supported. There’s something truly powerful about coming together to lift each other up, and that’s what fuels me every day.

So, here’s where we get real: Shut the fuck up. Seriously, just shut the fuck up—because this isn’t about you. I know it’s hard. I know every fiber of your being wants to fill the silence, but resist that urge. Sit in the shit with them. It’s uncomfortable, it feels icky, and every fiber of your being wants to break the silence in those awkward pauses, but don’t—resist the urge to make it better. Slow it down, breathe through the discomfort, and remind yourself that you’ll have a safe place to land tonight when you get home. But right now, they need a safe place to cry, scream, and freak the fuck out.

Take them outside, get those bare feet on the ground, and let them scream it out into the woods. Take them to a smash room. Or maybe offer the distraction of a good movie, wine, and popcorn. There will come a time when your strength is needed to pick them up and remind them to keep going, or even offer a little tough love if they’re getting in their own way. But when the wound is fresh—when it’s open and raw—give them love, support, and understanding. Let them feel heard and seen without the burden of protecting everyone else, because chances are, they’re thinking of everyone but themselves.

It’s our job to see past that and offer them the space to feel whatever they need to feel. They don’t give a shit, nor do they take solace in your aunt’s best friend’s pool boy who defied the odds.

“In this journey, I’m learning as I go, and I know there’s always more to discover. If you have any coping strategies or healing modalities that have helped you, I’d love for you to share them in the comments below. We grow stronger through community, and I’m grateful for the chance to learn from all of you.”

To all who have faced the battle with cancer, whether you’ve lost someone dear or fought the fight yourself, my heart is with you. For those we’ve lost, their memory lives on, a testament to the love they brought into our lives. And to the survivors, your courage and resilience inspire us all. Each story, each life, is a reminder of the strength and fragility of the human spirit.

Much love,

Dawn

www.irisewithdawn.com

dawn@irisewithdawn.com